yay for works!

Hey little sister I heard you went to Mr. So and So
knock knock knockin on his door again last night
said you needed it bad
you know that ain't right
cause so many times you've come to me cry-crying
trying to stop
you said it hurts so bad
but please don't let you go back for more.
My little sister is a zombie in a body
with no soul
in a role she has learned to play in a world today
where nothing else matters
but it matters, we gotta start feeding our souls
not our addiction or afflictions of pain
to avoid the same questions we must ask ourselves to get any answers
we gotta start feeding our
souls have been lost to the millions with lots
who feed on addiction selling pills and whats hot
i wish i could save her from all their delusions
all the confusion
of a nation that starves for salvation
but clothing is the closest approximation to God
and He knows that drugs are all we know of love
Every day we starve while we eat white bread and beer
instead of a handshake or hug
we spill the pills and sweep them under the rug
my little sister is a zombie in a body
with no soul in a role she has learned to play
in a world where nothing else matters
but it matters, we gotta start feeding our souls
hey little sister, i heard you went to Mr. So and So's
knock, knock, knockin' on his door again last night
Said you needed more.

there's just something about journaling on paper..

sorry for the emo blog yesterday. my emotions have been pretty up and down lately.

i wish i was the most amazing author.

im sorta excited for the weekend, and at the same time i feel a little dread. jeremy invited me to go bowling with him, his wife, and his old roomate friday night. he said it may not happan, depends on babysitters and plans. im really not that good at bowling at all lol. like my form is totally atrocious ._.;

and the old roomate person is someone jeremy is trying to set me up with.

it's been sorta interesting the past few weeks about that. almost everyday he asks me different stuff to tell to her.. he said she's never been on a date before, and she went to a christian school and..

it seems i can't escape christianity lol

well i can't really say much. im pretty sure nothing is gonna happan this weekend. it's how my life has been going lately, no plans ever follow through. well, plans where i babysit for my mom or paint my grandma's shed do.. haha

well, i think im going to use my notebook, so~

tonight is pretty boring!

today is a sad day

wow.

i haven't felt this depressed in a long time. i feel so very grey. what is the problem.

well, i don't feel good about WoW. i have drama at work. i dont feel good about my health and habits.

i don't really like feeling this way.

let's try to analyze this. im already biased in my mind that it has something to do with the amount of time i play WoW.

wow, i just sat there and thought about it all for like 10 good minutes. it's very difficult to put it all into words.

good god, i have to be in the wrong profession. what should a person like me do with themselves? i think if i had a job that i really liked, i think i would like life a little better. i think that perhaps if my job suited my lifestyle and people were more understanding of me, and not always so scornful, then i would feel better about myself. a lot of times i have to lie or pretend to be someone im not and that is really unhealthy i think.

so again, what should a person like me strive to become? what sort of environment do i need to get myself into where i start feeling good about who i am? because i think i hate myself. i think i hate the fact that no one understands me or my habits at all.

i wonder also if there exists such an environment for a person like me, and that really makes me want to hate life.

i try to change, i really do. i try to change my mind. it's not that it is difficult, it's that...

god i wish i understood it.

these are all new thoughts i need to brood over. perhaps my habits are not wrong, the reception is wrong. since it is given a bad reception, i percieve it as i am doing wrong and therefor hate myself for doing what i enjoy. tho, when i say enjoy, i mean i am completely content, often euphoric.

so what would happan if i embraced my habit? what if i stood and said this should be perfectly acceptable and is not a negative thing?

that makes me think of china and the measures they are going through to implement shorter playing times and such. how parents limit the amount of time their kids play games.

but perhaps that is all just bad reception, i still take care of all my business. i have my own place, i pay all my bills, i have a positive relationship with my family and a few friends.

but didnt i slip into this once with ffxi? just escape all the problems of my life into ffxi until they went away? until i wasnt in the navy and i wasnt with eileen and i was just sitting in my mom's basement doing just ffxi. perhaps i am still stuck there. i am still hiding from the world.

but what the hell does that mean? what is 'the world'. tell me where to go, and who to talk to to be part of this 'world' and ill do it. perhaps i am not hiding from anything at all.

im so confused.

i wish i had answers. i think i would then feel better. really, i wish if i didnt have to feel negative feelings at work, i think i would feel a little better about myself. i would still have all these issues, but they would just not be on the forefront of my mind because i would be content in my 'hiding from the world inside WoW' thing.

perhaps that's it. perhaps im hiding from my emotions and not allowing myself to devolop by 'hiding inside WoW'.

wow, that really is something to think over tonight.

i think i am lonely.

holy crap

i can sign into this site from work o.o

i wonder how long that will last lol.

sorry i haven't been updating, i've very much been journaling at work in a regular old notebook.

weekends soon~

because mad cow disease was already taken.

so hello, good friend! i wanna be next to you.

so take me! and save me! and change me! and make me! and embrace me! and engrave my heart for you! nonnono cuz i cant go on w/o you

and no! none of it true! cuz i never knew you

and the truth of i is, i wanna be like you!

but now im on my way to maKE this claim, ill make it stay, that NO! none of its true, cuz i never knew you!

and the truth of it is, i wanna be like you!

from my heart, for it's true~

cuz i never knew you

-------------------------------------------

wow, im not so good at typing fast. at least not this song...

so what is really good? kinda stressing out lately lol. ive got a bajilion things i need to do, and im so busy all the time and tired! and the last few days all i want to do when i get off work is nap and sleep and then not sleep durign the night so when i go into work im kinda tired lol. and its so hot and humid there, im like sleep walking... like... cranberries zombeh kinda stuff.

i just have a lot of bills and stuff coming up soon, and things i have to get done to be responsible. a lot of it has to do with the apartment and stuff, and it does bother me that TJ likes to help me do nothing.

the only thing hes good at lately is bitching. i swear to god i just wanna throw him in his room w/ nothing but his own shit and a box of tampons.

i swear to god.

speaking of God, i was thinking today how the weather is all random and crazy and how it could be the end of the world or w/e.

but i also thought that there have probably ben millions of times in the earth's history where people thought exactly the same thing i did, because the weather is always crazy.

im talking to cassandra again from high school.

that really is the most exciting thing i guess with me.

it was so refreshing... like.. all the people i meet these days dont really trust me.. dont really open up to me. keep me at a distance, and i can understand. the majority of people in my situation are creeps, and it sucks. im a nice guy.

but yea, it's just like... we drove around a bit, and she just talked. i mean, i talked to, right, but it was like... it really felt good to be trusted like that. she's totally an awesome person, and it was cool to get feedback on how i acted in high school and stuff. i guess i havent really thought about it too terribly much, but i have changed a lot since then.

especially with how i value other people, and their opinion. i guess i dont live my life like im inside a video game as much anymore.

i dunno if thats the right analogy.

any case... work is fun. third shift soon. first shift hours are killing me.

my apartment has stuff in it!

what cracks me up!

blah~!

A long december and theres reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I cant remember the last thing that you said as you were leaven
Now the days go by so fast
And its one more day up in the canyons
And its one more night in hollywood
If you think that I could be forgiven...i wish you would
The smell of hospitals in winter
And the feeling that its all a lot of oysters, but no pearls
All at once you look across a crowded room
To see the way that light attaches to a girl
And its one more day up in the canyons
And its one more night in hollywood
If you think you might come to california...i think you should
Drove up to hillside manor sometime after two a.m.
And talked a little while about the year
I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower,
Makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her
And its been a long december and theres reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I cant remember all the times I tried to tell myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass
And its one more day up in the canyon
And its one more night in hollywood
Its been so long since Ive seen the ocean...i guess I should

so work is fine. nothing to dread at all, it's not difficult. the people are pretty nice, all a lot older than me, but that's fine. i know why im working, and im working for it. im not trying to have a party at work everyday, so life is fine.

im also moving lots of things into my new apartment. can you believe im paying to live there right now and im still sleeping here on this broke ass couch?

wanna take a wild guess why?

fucking ffxi. (yay emotion!) stupid jami cant even play a toon w/o running into the ground.. and tbh i get lonely at nights w/o anyone to talk to. so i tried to take it really slow...

fucking ffxi.

i just want something to do every once in awhile, people to talk at when i get lonely, not even rly care about drops, just have some fun.

then i met anna ._.

and the past few weeks every waking moment that i have free has been trying to hang out w/ her. it was cool, we were talking on MSN, like talking, like vent. she's from britain, it was great fun. nothing serious of course, i cant quite be bothered with that non-sense :p

but yea, her friend started playing the day before yesterday, he was off two months.

she dropped me just like that =/

i hate ffxi... now i feel even worse and i wasted the entire last few weeks lol

oh well, sky tomoz, i did lots of ls events, so perhaps jar will bless me >_>

stupid emotes are all over my writing again.. that really turns girls off when i talk to them like on CL or w/e!

anyway.. i really just felt like posting. anna has me feeling shit today. so.. cheers! until next time i get emo.

oh hey, i got my insurance cards in the mail today, i can go break my leg now! now i just need that car stuff and that eileen stuff and im like... back in good shape lol

i did ask the guy about my title again today when i paid my car. aparently they had sent it to atlantic beach and just left it on my old doorstep....

blah! its midnight! i got work in a few hours;; stoopit 1st shift.

is you rollin ?

the lottery lady told me how she really felt about me tonight. in 4 visits she told me i was 1.going to hell 2.very offensive, and she liked other people that work at speedway a lot better. and 3. i need to learn that some people just don't like to be joked with.

i really liked her.


so i start my new job tomorrow. i don't actually feel that much dread or anything about it, not really too anxious. thinking about it, i can see how it can be like life was when i was in the navy. but hell, i always said, after what i did in the navy, anything else will seem easy.

why am i so emo?

~in case you failed to notice, in case you failed to see, this is my heart bleeding before you..~

it's always fun figuring out who deleted me off their friends list on myspace. the only notification i get is my friend list number goes down.

tonight it was elise~

i guess it's sad... i have so few friends i can tell.

busy last few days. i quit speedway.

it sucked so bad, i've never had a boss that i was had such a positive relationship with. it felt like absolute shit to tell him these next two weeks will be my last. but i have a -real- job again.

whatever that means.

i guess it means im not 'wasting my life'.

in other words i joined the rest of the world in hating what im going to be doing again everyday.

i finished all my paperwork at liebert. im making enough to get me and TJ a two bedroom apartment on my income alone. well, credit allowing. i filled out all the paperwork yesterday, paid some money, they should get back to me on a final answer by monday. if that goes well, we'll be sleeping on the floor by aug.24th.

it is very exciting.

also started doing some paperwork for me and eileen.

working on changing my car's registration to ohio.

forward progress everywhere, i should be happy.

josh is upstairs with a girl we met up with tonight.

alcohol doesnt help.

i need an outlet with more people. the bar isn't working out for me with tj being so broke~

wipe that smile off your fucking face

~i'm right in the middle~

im fighting myself tonight, not wanting to write in my blog. i was reading it all today, and i realize it's not so bad as i thought. it's showing some good character from me :p

and tonight... im kinda hyper... kinda blah...

im supposed to see cate tomorrow, but i havent talked to her the last few nights. she's not on atm either.. i don't even have her phone number lol.

im not stressing over it.

so what's new?

im moving out soon! me and tj are getting our own place. it's all picked out, it's nice all out in the ghetto. everytime i drive by, it's like a block party of african american brothers and sisters everywhere. things are broken, trees are burned, litter is everywhere, rent is very cheap :D

but really, i am excited. it's really really cheap, which helps me accomplish my goals sooner. it's also cheap enough where me and tj both can get our own rooms. initially we were gonna have me in one room, and him in the living room of a one bedroom. everything around my mom's place is so expensive.


there's also the added stress of another job.

no no, im not working a second job again.

my mom's work actually called me recently. see.. when my mom was telling me she needed more space in her house since like 20 people live here, and when we were initially looking at really expensive places, i was kinda stressing about bills and money. i could have made rent and everything fine with what im making at speedway, it just would have left very little to put on top of my car payments each month. and im really trying to pay it all off asap.

so i go to my boss and i say 'hey boss, if there is anyway that i can take on more responsibility and possibly make more money, i am more than willing to do whatever it takes.' and of course i explain whats up with my living arrangements.

one or two days later i get a phone call from liebert.. a warehouse job. the place my mom works. i go in the next week for the interview, and damnit, i tol nail it. i felt better leaving there than i have felt leaving any interview ever.

it helps that the lady i interviewed with had hired my mom and that was the first thing we started talking about lol.

anyway, so like the next day after that my boss at speedway is all like 'Aric... if i talk to my bosses, and i tell them i need an assistant, how would you feel about taking that?'

and god damn, i already feel terrible enough about going to the interview. now i gotta tell my boss that i cant accept that til i hear whats up with liebert.

i felt so terrible!

i really really do like my speedway job. there is no part that i really despise, or that is difficult. i am continuosly learning and actually having fun there. regulars still make me smile lol

and that's important to me, because i know im going to hate my job at liebert's, even thought i will be able to do it (and it's 5 more dollers an hour...)

the next thing i had to do was take a test for liebert. the test was made by the same people that make the ACT for colleges. and i can actually use the scores i got on that test for other jobs if they require it... pretty crazy, yea?

well, it was incredibly early one morning, i didnt get much sleep. i did go in with my monsters and everything, and an incredibly huge headache (which only got worse the more we tested)

4 hours of testing, math, reading, etc.

fun fun ._.

the lady that gave the test (i got her number btw :p ) called me back later that day and told me i got 6's on everything except reading, i got a 7 on that. it was out of 7... and they only required three's, so i did really well lol

it's good to know that even after high school, im still smart.

so, that's about where i am with that. they've started my background check, calling my boss at speedway and TJ. they both told me they gave positive reviews, so that's good too.

but at the same time, it's like really weighing down on me, stressing me out. i feel like im going back into a navy environment, being in the warehouse and all. it'll be nice that i -can- quit if i really want to, but still..

i've always said that if i took one thing from the navy it was that no matter where i end up in life, money is not important enough to me to regret going into work everyday. money is not important enough to hate my life everyday. and i like speedway..

i just don't know.

i kinda wish they never called me lol

i mean, the app i put in was back in jan or feb... perhaps they pulled my resume up on monster, but i don't know.

i guess this post isnt turning out so bad after all, lot's of stuff going on in my brain lately.

i've really really been thinking deeply about females. more than anything about what kind of girl i want to date, and what would it be like if i was dating half the girls i lust over.

i can't really say i lust over girls too bad... i don't feel like.. it's a huge focus of mine

see, i do work in an envirornment with really atractive females at the moment, and a lot of times i am working with another guy. and i do get to interact with these females.

i just wonder to myself what it really would be like to date the girl standing in front of me, and realize to myself that she would probably not be too interested in most of the things i am interested in. that i probably could not impress her with most of the things i do.

and i realize that that is not negative. that's just not who i am.

i think it's really cool that im learning and really growing like that.

"I haven't been quite the same,
So sure the story of my life would never change.
But in a bright-eyed way, she rinsed out the soap in my eyes,
And wrote a song that I'm about to sing.

She's a magnetic girl
That I hardly even know.
So this is not another love song.
Just a list of things that I should know,
And everyone should know that:

1. You got to take it kind of slowly
2. You got to hurry up and make your move
3. You got to tell her how you're feeling
And
4. You got to be the perfect gentleman.

When you shake the walls, you got to make 'em bend, yeah.
You got to show her that
She's the balance beam
And I keep falling all around her fairy tale.
(her fairy tale)

We took a walk in the rain.
I suggested, she confess:
"There's a heart nearby to cast that shame."

Stay cool.
But I'm giddy like a school boy.
You got to handle with care:
This is not a toy.

Then gradually we touched.
And though our clothes were wet, we sat and smiled.
I never thought I'd smile so much
The first kiss always says the most."

blah

yes, im aware.

i have been bored.

i have been busy.

i -will- post when i get home from work tonight.

i gotta leave my house in...

6minutes.

~sophie only wanted to listin to radio BBC~

fell in love with a girl

Fell in love with a girl
fell in love once and almost completely
she's in love with the world
but sometimes these feelings
can be so misleading
she turns and says "are you alright?"
I said "I must be fine cause my heart's still beating"
She says "come and kiss me by the riverside, bobby says it's fine he don't consider it cheating"

Red hair with a curl
mellow roll for the flavor
and the eyes for peeping
can't keep away from the girl
these two sides of my brain
need to have a meeting
can't think of anything to do
my left brain knows that
all love is fleeting
she's just looking for something new
and I said it once before
but it bears repeating

im -tired-

i want to write about something magical and get all the things from inside me out onto this internet spot.

im just not so good at doing that lol.

~practice

so yea! my car is gonna be legal and stuff. thats so exciting! forward progress, no more of that backward stuff. Credit moving positive, savings going up.

alcohol tolerance rising.

at least im getting rid of these silly video games.

i do realize that when i have time off and i do play video games, it sets my mood all messed up, and im grumpy and sensitive at work lol.

so i either need to work nonstop like before, or stop playing video games entirely :p

i dunno how much of an ultimatum that is.

this post fails, im tired, i havent slept in a minute, sue me, peace out, and i dont need periods

life

thats me a few mins ago. yay for my new digital camera lol

i actually got it a few days ago... i was excited then... but tonight... kinda...

i feel like... is this it? ya know what i mean? i mean, i found a job im content with. i dont hate it at all, i never regret going into work, and i actually have fun sometimes. there are a lot of people that are regulars that make my day.

but its not that.. its the feeling like... im going to be doing this the next few years and for what ? im sure ill get my debt paid off, im sure ill get new toys, and im sure me and tj will get our own place... but how exciting is that really ?

i want to make a difference in my life... i just dont know how i want to do it.

i love music, i love helping people, and i love learning and teaching people.

ill figure it out.

oh and-- ill have new pics from all over my life now to freshen up my blog lawl

bored bored bored

zomg so bored ._.

i've called off work @ krogers the last 2 nights... i will again tonight too. i have wed/thur off already, so i actually wont have to work again there until friday.

friday is when davey gets back, and the first night me and josh work together since he's been back as well... go figure >_>;

tim is just being a really big asshole and stuff lately.. like he wants me to quit or something. and seriously, i cant even rly consider quitting, i just gotta make the best of my situation, ya know?

it's like what, i've applied at liek literally at least 10 places and i never get anymore than an initial call.. i dunno what im doing wrong. i mean, i understand the broken parts of my work history or w/e but damn...

anyway, it's not all negative. i have 1400$ in the bank :) i've been saving at least 200 a week fot over a month now.. even when there are things i want, i try to save up with the allowance i give myself. energy drinks are becomming a really ig expense lol

but yea! i was able to buy a new camera. all the pics on my pc are liek at least a year old, and none of them are really focused on me finding a good pic of myself. it was never rly important to me before, i was content ya kno, living in ffxi or w/e. now im all about getting out and having some fun n stuff.

but yea, i got a really small casio camera. i paid 100+15 for it off e-bay. it's used, yea, comes with all the accessories (i hope). e-bay cant rly be trusted sometimes, i've gotten some garbage before.

oh and the reminds me! lol. i got my noobstore stuff in the mail yesterday. actually wearing the shirt atm. the hat doesnt look all too great on my atm, kinda doesnt match with my glasses. i just gotta work it into my wardrobe basically >_> lolz.

ummm.... anymore im like really motivated to get into college like asap. i almost have a comfortable enough amount in the bank for where i'll call the bank. ya know, once i work all the out.. there's nothing rly in my way from talking to ohio state and stuff. yea, i heard it was pretty tough to get in anymore tho. if i cant get a basic job....

so yea, mebee columbus state or something.

anyways, seriously. i'll write often. soon i'll be able to like... mebee post a pic of myself everyday or something lawl

-peace

Norbit

I just finished watching Norbit :p

well... myspace is down.. and i felt compelled to write -something-

very funny movie, better than i thought it'd be. i saw it up online for a long time, past over it for months.. davie told me mebee a week ago it was decent so...

yea! it was good! lol

so um.. last few days have been pretty interesting.

i guess not so much have been interesting as i guess the days coming up will be.

i've been playing around on sites like monster and match.com and stuff lately. i actually had an interview with like a bank today. i have a second interview tomorrow. i really dunno what i could say about it.. it could be good or... could be a scam i guess..

all i know is that if someone is trying to scam me, they wont get much money lolz... i make liek nothing..

other than that... just mostly been bored n stuff. liek, not rly playing anything atm.. working quite a bit. in my offtime doing those random sites and stuff...

oh, im off tonight and was last night from k4L.. but i cant rly drink.. speedway calls me in liek everyday.

anyway im off to liek umm.. wink at people i guess >_> or at least make my profile look betta ._.;

girls suck really bad.

why do i always find the not so normal girls ._.

blah i try too hard i think lol.


I keep telling myself to earn it. to make myself into something I'm proud of and girls will find me lol. it's just >_> i'm bored -now-.

and whats wrong with me now? I'm a nice guy, im not trying to do anything retarded.

i just want to have fun in my free time. man, it doesnt even have to be a girl, i just want to get out and have fun in general.

but yes, the topic is girls... they all suck and stuff.

and im so not gonna call Elise anymore :x

yep

Oki, so it didn't work lol

yea yea yea, i'm very depressed about it.. to a point where i think i'll buy a new computer just for screenshots >_> lol.

Welp, I'm up really layt atm. i dunno, one of those nights. i feel kinda funny. nostalgic? sad kinda funny. i was thinking and thinking and i can't come up with whatever happand to all my old comic book and card collections. my parents stole em and e-bay'd em? the were lost with my g-ma's trailer?

blah, i have no idea.

i was just thinking how that whole thing, the cards, the comics, the star wars toys... how that's a part of me that i've kinda forgot about. that i've thrown out lol.

anymore i just want to be normal. i just want to fit in.

but what happand to me? what happand to aric? ='/

and maybe...
it all really is just that simple.
._.

I hope this is worth it...

so, ffxi went down for maintenance today and i decided it would be a perfect time to uninstall>reinstall the game in an effort to hopefully start taking piccy's so i can get my blog rockin lol. i've lots of ideas, some trial and error, and hopefully get into frapping and making my own movies :P

but god... this download is taking forever ._.